Getting On With Getting On

I'm rattling around the house alone again this weekend. My oldest is entrenched somewhere on Lackland AFB, enduring basic military training for the USAF. My youngest is spending the weekend with his dad.

I don't like being by myself, it gives me too much time to think. Maybe a better statement should be, I don't like thinking, at least when it comes to my current life situation. But I did, and I came to the realization that I'm stuck in limbo. I'm not falling behind, but I'm not moving ahead.

Part of it is my own fault. I want things to be the way they used to be. Reality is that those days are gone and although I might someday approach what I liked about those days they're never going to be back. It's scary moving forward, especially faced with the fact that you may be doing it on your own.

Part of it is my husband's fault. Whatever is going on in his life, he's made the decision to not include me as part of it. At least I think he has. He doesn't talk with me or to me. I hear from him when he has a question about the kids. Otherwise he's left me to fend for myself, take care of the house, pay the bills. It's almost like he's disappeared and yet he wants to keep funds jointly between us and stay on my employer's health insurance. Perhaps he doesn't know what he wants.

As I was thinking I decided that I wasn't sure what I wanted either, but I did know that I don't want to be in limbo forever. So I sat down and wrote a email to my hubby.

Limbo will only last until the end of January, make a decision or I will.