Line In The Sand

You may remember a few months back that I said come the end of January decisions about life were going to be made. I bravely drew a line in the sand and declared my intents. Well in case you haven't noticed, January is all but gone, a mere 4 days remain.

When I made my declaration the end of January seemed so far away. In reality and a blink of an eye it's here. I'd like to say that I've had a revelation and that all my choices and decisions are clear to me. But like everything else in my life at this moment, nothing is clear. I have a heart that still loves someone regardless of how they may feel about me. That same heart is broken and scarred and not sure that it ever wants to be tested in this way again. I have a brain that remembers all the fun and good memories over the last twenty plus years. This same brain also points out all the not so fun parts. I always wished I had more time and now that I have it I'm not so sure I want it any more.

My friends and family have made me realize how lucky I am to have a support system. My sons are my rocks. They hold me steady and let me know that it's o.k. that I'm not a super mom or a clone of Suzie Homemaker. They love me unconditionally and I hope that is a trait they never lose with me or anyone else they hold close to their hearts.

So here I stand by my line in the sand. Wondering if I stand fast or step over it? Perhaps I will erase it and draw it in the future.

Maybe I will simply turn around and walk away.