8:14 PM


I've picked up a new routine on Fridays. I typically work from home on Fridays and the housekeepers come in on Fridays. I had come to the conclusion that there is just too much stuff in my house.

Some of the stuff a just a mass of clutter that has multiplied and grown over the hears. Some of is just things that we never got around to doing anything with except to stash it somewhere and leave.

So now, on every Friday, I pick a small area in the house, this week it was the main bath, last week the front room. Basically anything that hasn't been used in the three months gets tossed. If it is something that doesn't really belong in that area, it get moves to where it is supposed be, provided it passes the three month rule to begin with.

I'm sure the neighbors are puzzled as to how just a woman and a teenager manage put put out two full garbage cans every week. I know I'm amazed at how much stuff is in this house and I don't even want to think about what is in the attic.

Part of me is sad, because in the course of this cleaning, I inevitability come across stuff from my marriage. Love notes from husband, cards, photographs. I stack them up and set them aside, they're the only thing the 3 month rule doesn't apply to.

8:03 PM

Getting On With Getting On

I'm rattling around the house alone again this weekend. My oldest is entrenched somewhere on Lackland AFB, enduring basic military training for the USAF. My youngest is spending the weekend with his dad.

I don't like being by myself, it gives me too much time to think. Maybe a better statement should be, I don't like thinking, at least when it comes to my current life situation. But I did, and I came to the realization that I'm stuck in limbo. I'm not falling behind, but I'm not moving ahead.

Part of it is my own fault. I want things to be the way they used to be. Reality is that those days are gone and although I might someday approach what I liked about those days they're never going to be back. It's scary moving forward, especially faced with the fact that you may be doing it on your own.

Part of it is my husband's fault. Whatever is going on in his life, he's made the decision to not include me as part of it. At least I think he has. He doesn't talk with me or to me. I hear from him when he has a question about the kids. Otherwise he's left me to fend for myself, take care of the house, pay the bills. It's almost like he's disappeared and yet he wants to keep funds jointly between us and stay on my employer's health insurance. Perhaps he doesn't know what he wants.

As I was thinking I decided that I wasn't sure what I wanted either, but I did know that I don't want to be in limbo forever. So I sat down and wrote a email to my hubby.

Limbo will only last until the end of January, make a decision or I will.