Tired Of Making Lemonade

I'm sure you've heard that saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade". What does one do if you don't want to make lemonade anymore?

That was what I was thinking as I sat reading my latest set of lab tests. Here I am two years after surgery, thinking that I was over the worst of my health challenges. The Cushing disease seems to be in remission, I should start feeling great any day now right? Wrong, I wasn't. The majority of my days are filled with a generalized pain and constant exhaustion. At first, I though perhaps it was just recovering from Cushing's, they say it takes awhile, but two years? So I went in and told the doctor what was going on and they decided to test me for sleep apnea. Bingo!! That is o.k., I could handle being on CPAP if it got rid of this constant ache and exhaustion. After 4 months of CPAP no change. I wake up rested, that is good, but I still feel like I've been hit by a truck and my body has just finished running a marathon. So back to the doctor I go.

His first thought is that I have fibermyalgia, but before he can diagnose it as that he has to rule out other nasty things like Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis and MS. Doesn't think any of those are an issue, but needs to rule them out for insurance purposes before he can diagnose and treat fibermyalgia.

The idea of have fibermyalgia was not on the top of my list of ailments, not that any ailment is. But there are certainly worse things to have. Which brings me back to the lab tests.
Rheumatoid Arthritis. That can't be right can it? Maybe it is just a false positive. Let's run the titer, surely it will come back negative. Rheumatoid Arthritis titer is positive.

I've seen first hand what RA can do to a person's body. Granted it was years ago and a lot of progress in medication and treatment has occured since then. The fact remains however that this disease can cripple you. Slowly taking away your abilities to live a normal active life. It could take away my ability to work with glass, hold my future grandchildren, have a golden retirement with my husband.

So the dump truck of lemons has been dropped in my lap and I'm not sure I can make any more lemonade...