3:46 PM

Every Morning

Every morning I wake up and lay there a moment, wondering if it's real. If I really am laying in bed alone. I have a mental argument with myself on whether to turn and see if he's laying there. I can smell him, his pillows are still there. I open my eyes and turn my head, it's only pillows.

The tears come every morning, either in bed, the shower, on the way to work, there always there, just a matter of when. Hard as I try to get through the day and past the morning water works, they always show up later in the day. If it's a good day, maybe only once. A bad day, I don't count. Throw in an almost daily occurrence of a panic attack and you have my life for the last 5 days.

I made myself walk yesterday after work, over to the high school track, around the track 4 times, and then back home. I had told myself on vacation because I had walked so much during it that I would continue when I got home. Yesterday seemed as good a time to start as any, plus I couldn't stand being in the house.

I wish one of these mornings I would open my eyes and it would be all a bad dream, I'm not very optimistic about the prospect.

2 comments:

Ramblings of a lunatic mom and lampworker said...

Oh Jodi, another bunch of huge hugs coming your way!! I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Thinking of you!!

Michelle

KareTX said...

Jodi, can't make it better for you but all your friends are with you and send you hugs. Bigggggg huggggs