1:57 PM

Gaps

I feel like I'm lost in a haze. Caught in one of those dreams where you're not sure if your awake or still asleep, except I know I'm fully awake.

Now along with the hole in my heart, there are holes in my home as well. The master bedroom closet that was once full to the brim stands with one side completely empty, only dust bunnies occupying the space. The TV stand in the master bedroom is empty as well. I walk into our psuedo office space and large gap now takes the place where once my husband's desk and computer sat. It's like that through out the entire house, everywhere I turn is a gap to remind me that he's gone. Soon the kids will become one of those gaps, albeit a gap that comes and go, but the reality is that I'm quickly approaching being in this house alone.

The thought of being alone scares me to death. I've spent the better part of the last week and half trying to keep the thought from overwhelming me. Perhaps if I was one of those individuals who had swarms of family and frienda, I wouldn't be so scared. But I don't, I have a few close friends, a few close cyber pals and a small immediate family who are scattered across the state.
The reality is I'm going to have to learn to handle being alone.

I'm not sure where to start...I'm still trying to get used to the gaps....

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jodi, you are stonger than you know even if it doesn't always feel like it. You will find a way to do this and fill those gaps. While I know I'm a cyber friend, I am here when ever you need me.
Kare

Ramblings of a lunatic mom and lampworker said...

Hugs!! Kare is right you're stronger than you know. You can do this?? Stop worrying about what could be. Live in the now, enjoy every moment with those boys. Oh and now you get to fill all those empty spaces with your stuff. Come on, fill those spaces up. Buy more clothes or shoes. Get another table that you can put glasswork/art on. Make those spaces your own!!!

Enough rambling - your cyber buddy Mich