Gaps

I feel like I'm lost in a haze. Caught in one of those dreams where you're not sure if your awake or still asleep, except I know I'm fully awake.

Now along with the hole in my heart, there are holes in my home as well. The master bedroom closet that was once full to the brim stands with one side completely empty, only dust bunnies occupying the space. The TV stand in the master bedroom is empty as well. I walk into our psuedo office space and large gap now takes the place where once my husband's desk and computer sat. It's like that through out the entire house, everywhere I turn is a gap to remind me that he's gone. Soon the kids will become one of those gaps, albeit a gap that comes and go, but the reality is that I'm quickly approaching being in this house alone.

The thought of being alone scares me to death. I've spent the better part of the last week and half trying to keep the thought from overwhelming me. Perhaps if I was one of those individuals who had swarms of family and frienda, I wouldn't be so scared. But I don't, I have a few close friends, a few close cyber pals and a small immediate family who are scattered across the state.
The reality is I'm going to have to learn to handle being alone.

I'm not sure where to start...I'm still trying to get used to the gaps....