Take Two Pills And Call Me In The Morning

I'm happy to say I slept last night. God bless pharmaceuticals and a non paranoid doctor. I actually slept through the night and an added bonus of no bad dreams.

Of course when I woke up and reality hit me the tears started all over again. Then I got angry. You know what, I am a house slob, fully admit it, it is something I have never been good at and that practice has not made perfect. I know that, it doesn't mean that I intended for my work a holic husband to work his 16 hour day and then come home and clean. What I've wanted for years is to have a maid come in and do it. Why not, we both work full time, make a lot of money, and have two kids that carry their mothers slob gene. So why not make everyone happy, have someone help with cleaning and live life. Why not? Because it costs money and if we just put a little effort in we could get it done. Well if that was truly the case we wouldn't be in this position now would we?

And I won't be in that position in a couple of weeks. I'm opening a bank account on Monday, rerouting my money into it. I'll pay my half of things and out of the leftovers, I'll hire a maid. If he decides to take me back he takes me back with the maid in place. If we go our seperate ways, I figure out where I can cut costs and hopefully keep one in place. I'm not asking for permission any more.

The other thing I'm mad about is my husband expects everyone to rise and meet his standard. He is a type A, obsessive compulsive person. If I had to put a label on him, I'd say he has ADHD, just like his youngest son. He has taken his challenges and used them as strengths and is very successful. But he works a minimum of 12 hours days, 6 to 7 days a week. He's always pushing for a goal and as soon as he reaches it, he moves it ahead, never stops to savor the accomplishment. What about compromise, what about taking a step back for the greater good?

I wish he would relaize that it isn't all me causing the problem. It's me, him, our sons, and his job. I'm hoping I can drag him to a counselor eventually and they'll point out the same things. Maybe if someone else tells him he'll listen, he won't listen to me.

Even with his faults, I love him, for who he is. He's changed over the last 23 years but I have/had no desire to end a marriage over it.